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November 20, 2012

Huh.. This must be a trick of some sort.
The missing fence-y bits!!

November 21, 2012

Spoke to one of the guys installing the fence-y bits this morning. Said they would be done in a little more than a week.

"But you did half of them yesterday," I said.
"Yeah," he replied.
"So it'll take you a week to do the other half?"

The more things change...


December 5, 2012

It has been three weeks since I was told that all the missing fence-y bits would be installed within a week. Einstein would have loved Vaughan — time seems to slow through the region and accelerate to normal at the edges of its boundaries.

To their credit, this latest crew has proceeded with unparallelled speed and efficiency... Well, insofar as they actually did some work and junk. Sadly, that seems to have come to a grinding halt as I am still missing a single fence-y bit in the corner of my property and, my sister house sitting across the crescent, is missing ALL off her fence-y bits. (As an aside, what on earth did that family do to find themselves in a worse fence-related predicament than us? They're either hardcore hippies or the latest gaggle of fence builders misread their Vaughan-issued "Do Not Build Here — The Wormald's Suck" instructions and confused our house for theirs. Poor bastards, either way.)

A Bothan spy has informed me that the remaining portion of my fence needs to be custom cut and will take a little extra time to complete (this jives with the fence dude that told me the fence would take an additional "week"... See the Einstein thing above about "Vaughan" and the "passage of time"). With construction now having slugged its way into a ninth month, you'd think that they might have gotten a jump on anything "custom" in, I don't know, month five or six?

Of course, the frightening thought is that they might just have!
[NOTE: A number of Bothans lost their voices to bring me this information.]


December 10, 2012

My neighbours can breath a little easier — their missing fence-y bits were installed Friday, so they needn't worry about having been lumped in with the Wormalds on Vaughan's Blacklist. The entire expanse of the fence has now been bolted into place... Well, all but the one fence-y bit in the corner of my property.

So, after months, the combined effort of literally dozens of workers has culminated in a somewhat unattractive fence with an equally objectionable gap on my end.

Let's all hope Santa can fit a fence-y bit in his bag of goodies cause Vaughan has been hucking coal at me for a while now.


December 16, 2013

January 2, 2013

The construction of my fence, which started in March of 2012, has now stretched into its second calendar year. I concede that it's nearly complete. Sadly though, "nearly" means I'm still without the remaining fence-y bit in the corner of my property.

Typically, the arrival of a new year is a time to take stock of, and be thankful for, all that we have. It also marks the perfect opportunity to focus our attention on all the many things we want to accomplish in the coming 12 months.


I would love to think that our city officials and employees are under the mob's influence and are so wrapped up in some criminal enterprise that they haven't the wherewithal to finish my fence. I would dearly love to believe that Vaughan's most brilliant minds have had their attention focused on solving Global Warming, ending poverty or, heck, even trying to figure out why "Cougar Town" is still on the air.

But let's face it... they're no doubt sitting there as I type, wondering whether they should legislate against running with scissors, or against chewing gum and rubbing their tummies at the same time.

I'm to the point now where I don't even care about when they intend to finish the sidewalk or do the landscaping. I just want it done. In fact, I DARE them to finish the fence. Honestly, I just dare them. I don't think they can. They're too caught up in watching a tunneling machine bore a hole into the ground so they can travel on the subway to Toronto... A municipality, I might add, with a Mayor so mind-boggling stupid, but where you can be reasonably certain that it will take less than YEAR to finish a SINGLE fence.

C'mon guys, finish my @#%^ING FENCE!


January 8, 2013

January 22, 2013

So... I gotta preface this and say, I swear, I didn't do this. Honest. And no, this is not Photoshopped.

As you know, my fence situation has stretched into its tenth month and into a second calendar year. Excluding the ever-present need to finish the walkway and the grounds-keeping, I had thought that Vaughan's big thinkers and heavy lifters had at least finished the majority of the fence that they were looking to erect along my street — excluding of course, the single missing fence-y bit in the corner of my property that they will not finish because, in essence, they're sons of bitches and I hate them.

Certainly from a quick scan of the fence's expanse, it seemingly looked done.

Then Meg went for a walk one evening.
[Again.... This isn't mine.]

She came home and told me that I HAD to walk over to our sister house and look at their fence. For those that aren't hip to our abode, we live on a crescent and the houses mirror one another on each side of the loop. The house she was referring to had had their portion of the fence done for a while. Or so we thought.

Whereas, on the one hand, I can at least say that I'm "fairly" certain that Vaughan didn't do this, I nevertheless fear now that my neighbour has set some sort of architectural precedent for our community and I'm going to emerge one day to see gangs of lazy Vaughan civic workers lurching around my community, duct-taping together the scads of missing fence-y bits.

Welcome to my nightmare.


February 21, 2013

It's done.

Just short of eight months after they began, and four full months after saying it would be done within a week, the remaining fence-y bit was installed on my property sometime this past week. I haven't checked to see whether they replaced my sister house's duct taped-fence-y bit, but I can only assume at this point that their long wait is over as well.

It's not clear when they finished installing the fence-y bit, as it wasn't there as of Tuesday morning. But, as I peered through the window last night, for a brief moment, I wondered if I hadn't suffered a stroke as I simply couldn't believe what I saw. Megan, being the supportive wife that she always is, asked me if I was sure I was looking at the right part of the fence.

(Thanks, Sweetheart...)

The speed and silence with which these thieves in the night installed the remaining fence-y bit has me wondering if Vaughan hadn't finally employed one of East Gwillimbury's elite spec-ops teams — in particular, the one with superior winter fence-installing abilities. Sadly, it's more likely that any one of the numb-nuts Vaughan used over the past year finally remembered what those loose fence-y bits laying across his garage were for.

At any rate, the completion of the fence does not spell the end of my Odyssey. It will, no doubt, continue unabated for some time. The city will now have to concentrate on extending the sidewalk and will also have to do the landscaping. I am also gearing for a wonderful encounter when I contact civic officials about fixing the patch of grass that their wonderful back-hoe destroyed so long ago.

All of this should take, what, a week?

Keep making me proud, Vaughan.
Keep making me proud.